Monday, May 07, 2007

The blues

I think I'm having one of those quarter-life crises, though to be honest I have no intention of living till I'm 128 so it's more likely a third-life crisis or thereabouts.

I've just stared at my computer screen for over an hour with one ear pricked like a cat to hear if anyone is walking towards my office. When they do, I start clickety-clicking on my keyboard and looking harassed. The trouble with my staring and fake typing is that I am really flippin busy and doing nothing doesn't seem to be helping that in any way. I'm also about a sneeze away from a full-blown sobbing meltdown and I think the staring is helping to keep that at bay but I'm not entirely convinced. There's a good chance I will cry all the way home tonight…again.

So what's wrong with me?

I hate my job, nay my career and everything it stands for. I want desperately to curl up under my doona and sleep my life away because the simple act of getting up every morning is making me physically sick. I KNOW that there are billions of people out there who make my life look like a big chocolate cake of fun and goodness but they don't have a blog and, well I do and no-one reads my blog anyway so I will keep going with this whine.

Advertising. I work in advertising and it's not glamorous or fun. There are no parties or freebies or hot sex with a married account director in the boardroom. It's full of people who are the epitome of a four-letter C word and let me tell you it's not 'coke'. Ten years ago I would have looked at future-me with awe and said 'sister, you are the shit! You have totally gone and done everything you said you would' and now I would slap 22 year old me really, really hard and tell her to write that novel she promised herself, even if it meant continuing to schlep coffee to assholes. Dammit where did the last 10 years go?

I've just booked myself in to see a career psychologist who will give me advice and put me on the path to freedom, starting with freeing me of $500. I think it's a step in the right direction though because I am feeling a little lost. There are other contributing factors but I'll save that for another day and another whine. I think I'm going to send myself a little reminder note.

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